We never knew how scary they were until that night....

*for journal purposes*

This past Sunday night (10/17/10) we had a very traumatic experience with our son Zach. While I like to think I am not a dramatic person, this story may seem a little over dramatic to those who have not experienced it with their own child-unfortunately it was even more dramatic than any words would ever be able to describe. This past Sunday-we had a very normal sabbath day-went to church-rested-and had our family meal with all of Ty's family. Zach had been sporting a nasty but "normal" cough for the last couple of days-nothing that has put him out or made him feel ill-just more of an annoying cough. Later that evening when all the family and kiddo's were still there Zach told me he was so tired and wanted to go watch a movie in my room, this isn't completely abnormal, he has done it more than once, although I figured he must not have been feeling his best. So I put on a movie and gave him some cough medicine and by 8 he was asleep. I let him sleep in my bed because him and Connor share a room, so I didn't want his coughing to wake Connor up-I let him sleep with me often for that reason because he too wakes up screaming from horrible nightmares. I crawled into bed next to him a few hours later. Around 1 or 1:30 (times are a blur) I can hardly remember, but I woke up to a violently shaking Zach, I don't know if that woke me, if he made a noise, or what, but immediately I knew this was no nightmare for him. I turned on the lamp to see my babies face as white as a ghost, his eyes going in the back of his head, and shaking uncontrollably. I woke Tyler immediately, who woke in horror of what he saw before him. As I passed Zach to him his body, still shaking, hardened. He tried to get Zach to come back-to respond-to do anything, of course it was useless, there was nothing we could do but watch as our little boy was stuck in this horrible state. He was having a seizure we finally realized. I ran as fast as I could downstairs to get my in-laws (my mother-in-law is a nurse), when they woke and came out, Zach was done having a seizure but was still so "gone". He was even more pale, on the verge of blue lips, body limp, unable to move, his eyes opened sometimes but he wasn't really there, he couldn't see us, he couldn't respond, his brain just wasn't there. With his slow breaths, limp body and pale skin-the thought of losing our baby was on all of our minds. The thought of 911, actually seemed t0o slow. I held his little body in my lap as we ran every red light to the hospital, praying and fighting the tears, that our little guy would be ok, as he continued to be non-responsive. As soon as we got to the ER, I walked through the doors, I don't know what I said to them, but as they looked at my face and shifted there eyes down to Zach they rushed through the door and took him from my arms hurrying him to the back. After answering a few questions I went back and joined my little guy. He still wasn't "back" with us yet and a team worked on him, getting him all hooked up to machines, getting oxygen and starting an IV to which they were stunned the IV didn't even phase him. They then took his temperature so see that it was a little over 105. 105? My stomach went into knots, he didn't even have a fever when he went to bed, how could this be? The team was relieved to see a high temperature-to which they explained that, that was the cause of the seizure-which is good news that it wasn't something else. Although, I was happy to hear the news, Zach was still non-responsive and then it finally set in and from that point I don't know what all they did or were doing, looking at his little ghostly limp body, I started to feel like I may puke or pass out or both-oh I was so mad at myself, but they got me a chair and I waited patiently, trying to concentrate on not fainting or puking. Finally, and I mean FINALLY, my baby came back to me. From start to finish it was at least 30 maybe 40 minutes of Zach being non-responsive. I held his hand and kissed his head, he was confused-and in a lot of pain from the catheter they put in him right as he came to, poor guy. As time went by, he became more and more life himself. They ran many test and took x-rays which all proved to be negative meaning it was something viral that caused all this (they said bronchitis). He was such a good sport, and thought it was pretty cool he could see his own blood in his IV tube, although he did not think the IV was cool at all. Within a couple of hours at the hospital, we were sent home. They were happy to see how well he was interacting with everyone and how normal he was, as were we. We got home around 5 and he requested to watch cartoons, so of course I let him : ). He watched it for maybe 10 minutes and fell fast asleep. I still can not shake the images and feelings out of my head. Although I now know that these are "common" it doesn't change the trauma we went through that night. And perhaps this story may help someone else in the future, because we had no idea the after effects of a seizure which were even more scary than the seizure itself, and had we been prepared for such an event (if there's such a thing) then possible we could have been more at ease, knowing that it was all "normal". This is not something imaginable, not even if you are in some medical field, not until it happens to your own child, Tyler is in nursing school and I have never seen him so scared in my life. I feel so so blessed. I feel so blessed that I had him in my bed with me, and I feel so bad that his temperature got so high. I feel that I may live in a little more paranoia now, and feel like I need to give the kids Tylenol every night to be safe, although I know that is not the case. I am so glad that, that night is over and it had a very happy ending. I am so glad to have my little Zach, no matter how crazy, wild, disobedient he may be, because that night I realized that being embarrassed by my crazy child is much better than the alternative. I love my Zach so much, and have been smothering him in kisses and hugs ever since. The next morning after, he told me he loved me about every 5minutes, all day, he also started calling me mommy a lot more :). He told me "your just so sweet mom." followed by this "mom, I really wanted you last night, but I was stuck"..my heart cracked when he said those words, but I told him I was with him the whole time.

One of my favorite things he said that morning was this, "mom, you know why I love you so much?" "why?" "just because I do!"

This is after the catheter, so there were lots of tears which brought that pink face we just love to see :)

(oh and earlier that day his Mimi gave him a "rub-on" batman tattoo on his forehead, he he)

We love you Zachy.